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  • Writer's pictureRyan Sheridan, NP

Bridging the Gap Between Values and Behavior: A Path to Mental Wellness




  1. Understanding the gap between our deeply held values and our day-to-day behaviors is crucial for addressing mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and ADHD.

  2. Societal pressures and environmental factors can influence this disconnect, urging individuals to engage in behaviors that conflict with their personal values.

  3. Strategies to bridge this gap include self-reflection to understand core values, setting realistic goals, practicing mindfulness, seeking support, and making small, manageable changes.

  4. Aligning values with behaviors enhances mental wellness, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.


In our journey through life, we often find ourselves at a crossroads between our deeply held values and our day-to-day behaviors. This disconnection, a gap between what we cherish and how we act, can become a fertile ground for mental health challenges such as depression, anxiety, and ADHD. Understanding this gap and learning how to bridge it is crucial for our mental wellness. This blog explores the importance of aligning values with behaviors and offers strategies to achieve this harmony.

Understanding the Gap

Values are the principles that give our life meaning and direction, serving as a compass for our actions and decisions. Behavior, on the other hand, is how we act and respond to the world around us. When there's a significant disconnect between our values and behaviors, it can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, guilt, and a sense of living inauthentically. This misalignment is often at the root of various mental health symptoms. For instance, if you value close relationships but find yourself engaging in behaviors that isolate you from loved ones, this disconnect can lead to feelings of loneliness and symptoms of depression.

The Role of Society and Environment

The society we live in and the environment around us play a pivotal role in shaping our values and behaviors, often in ways we might not fully recognize. These external influences can create a significant gap between what we internally value and how we outwardly behave, impacting our mental health and overall well-being.

Societal Expectations


Societal expectations are the unwritten rules that dictate how we should behave, what goals we should aim for, and what constitutes success. These expectations can pressure us into adopting behaviors that do not align with our personal values. For example, the societal push towards material success and career advancement can lead individuals to neglect personal relationships or self-care, despite valuing these aspects highly. The constant bombardment of these societal norms through media and social networks amplifies the pressure, making it harder for individuals to stay true to their own values.

Cultural Norms

Cultural norms dictate the acceptable ways of behaving within a specific community or society. These norms can vary significantly across different cultures and can influence the values individuals adopt and the behaviors they display. For example, in cultures where collectivism is valued over individualism, individuals may find themselves prioritizing family and community needs over personal aspirations or desires, potentially leading to a conflict of values if the individual internally values autonomy and independence. This cultural pressure can create a sense of guilt or conflict when one's personal values do not align with the expected cultural norms.

Environmental Factors

The environment we grow up in, including our family, education system, and community, also shapes our values and behaviors. These environments can either support or hinder the alignment between values and behaviors. For instance, a supportive family environment that encourages open communication and self-exploration can help individuals develop and live according to their values. In contrast, a restrictive or judgmental environment may force individuals to suppress their true values, leading to behaviors that align with external expectations rather than internal values.

Navigating Societal and Environmental Influences

Recognizing the influence of society and the environment on our values and behaviors is the first step toward navigating these pressures mindfully. Here are some strategies to help bridge the gap:

  • Critical Reflection: Engage in critical reflection to identify which aspects of your behavior are influenced by societal expectations and cultural norms. Ask yourself whether these influences align with your personal values and if not, consider what changes you can make to live more authentically.

  • Selective Engagement: Be selective about how you engage with folks and environments that are counter to your values. Seek out communities and content that support your values and provide alternative perspectives to mainstream societal expectations.

  • Community Engagement: Find or create communities of like-minded individuals who share your values. These communities can offer support, inspiration, and a sense of belonging, making it easier to live in alignment with your values despite external pressures.

  • Boundaries: Set clear boundaries with people and institutions that pressure you to behave in ways that conflict with your values. Communicating your needs and limits can help reduce the impact of these external pressures.

Mental Health Implications

  1. Depression: A life that feels out of alignment with one's core values can lead to a sense of emptiness and a questioning of purpose, often manifesting as depression.

  2. Anxiety: The fear of not living up to one's values or the potential consequences of this disconnect can fuel chronic anxiety.

  3. ADHD: For individuals with ADHD, the challenge of aligning behaviors with values is compounded by difficulties with focus, organization, and impulsivity, making it harder to live according to their values. Bonus: Burnout is a common overlapping condition that is an important consideration when it comes to determining whether or not there may be a values gap to address.



The gap between values and behaviors can contribute to the development of depression through several pathways. When individuals consistently act in ways that contradict their core values, they may experience a chronic sense of dissatisfaction and disconnection from their authentic selves. This disconnection can erode self-esteem and lead to feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness, hallmark symptoms of depression. The internal conflict between knowing what is important to them but being unable to live according to those principles can create a pervasive sense of failure, exacerbating depressive symptoms.

  • Management Strategy: Engaging in value-based activities, even in small ways, can help counteract feelings of disconnection and improve mood. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) can also be effective in addressing the cognitive distortions that contribute to depression, helping individuals to realign their behaviors with their values. Through my The Proactive Approach, perspective shifts can lead to a significant improvement in mood.


Anxiety can arise from the fear of failing to live up to one's values or the potential consequences of this failure. The constant tension between what individuals believe they should be doing and what they are actually doing can lead to a state of chronic stress and worry. This misalignment can also trigger social anxiety, as individuals may fear judgment from others for not adhering to shared or societal values, further deepening the sense of isolation and anxiety.

  • Management Strategy: Mindfulness and ACT can be particularly beneficial for individuals dealing with anxiety stemming from a values-behavior gap. These approaches encourage acceptance of the present moment and commitment to actions that align with personal values, reducing the impact of anxiety.


For individuals with ADHD, the challenge of aligning behaviors with values is compounded by symptoms such as impulsivity, inattention, and disorganization. These symptoms can make it difficult to engage in sustained, value-driven actions, leading to a frustrating cycle of intending to act according to one’s values but failing to follow through. This cycle can exacerbate feelings of guilt and inadequacy, contributing to lower self-esteem and increased anxiety and depression among individuals with ADHD.

  • Management Strategy: Behavioral strategies that focus on small, incremental steps towards aligning behaviors with values can be effective. Additionally, medication, when appropriate, combined with coaching or therapy that focuses on executive function skills, can provide support for managing ADHD symptoms, making it easier to live in accordance with one's values.


Burnout is a state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by prolonged stress, particularly when individuals feel overwhelmed, emotionally drained, and unable to meet constant demands. The misalignment of personal values with professional roles and responsibilities is a significant contributor to burnout, as it can create a sense of futility and conflict, reducing satisfaction and engagement in work.

  • Management Strategy: The treatment for burnout includes recognizing its signs and seeking alignment between work and personal values, alongside establishing work-life boundaries. Support from workplace resources and incorporating self-care practices can aid in managing stress and improving overall well-being, helping to mitigate the effects of burnout and promote a healthier balance.

Strategies for Alignment

Bridging the gap between our deeply held values and our everyday behaviors is essential for achieving mental well-being and living a fulfilling life. This expanded section offers comprehensive strategies to help individuals align their actions with their values, thereby enhancing their mental health and overall quality of life.

Self-Reflection and Awareness


The journey to aligning values with behaviors begins with deep self-reflection and awareness. Understanding your core values is crucial, as these are the guiding principles that should dictate your actions and decisions. Reflect on questions such as "What matters most to me?" and "What kind of person do I want to be?" Consider situations where you felt fulfilled or proud of your actions—these are clues to your underlying values.

  • Strategy for Enhancement: Keep a journal to record your reflections on daily experiences and how they align with your values. This practice can help increase self-awareness and pinpoint areas where your behaviors may not align with your values.

Setting Realistic Goals

With a clear understanding of your values, the next step is to set realistic and achievable goals that reflect these principles. Goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound (SMART). This approach ensures that the steps you take towards aligning your behaviors with your values are clear and manageable.

  • Strategy for Enhancement: Break down your goals into small, actionable steps. Celebrate each achievement, no matter how small, to maintain motivation and commitment to your values.

Mindfulness and Acceptance

Practicing mindfulness helps you stay present and aware of your actions and how they align with your values. Acceptance plays a key role here, as it involves acknowledging when your behaviors have not aligned with your values without harsh judgment. This compassionate approach encourages a more mindful and intentional effort to realign actions with values.

  • Strategy for Enhancement: Incorporate mindfulness practices, such as meditation or mindful walking, into your daily routine. These practices can help you cultivate a non-judgmental awareness of your behaviors and choices.

Seeking Support

Aligning behaviors with values can be challenging and, at times, may require external support. Therapists, coaches, or support groups can provide guidance, accountability, and encouragement. Professional help is particularly beneficial when the gap between values and behaviors contributes to mental health issues like depression, anxiety, or ADHD.

Small Changes, Big Impact

Start with small, manageable changes that can have a significant impact over time. Small steps are less daunting and more sustainable, making it easier to gradually align your life more closely with your values.

  • Strategy for Enhancement: Identify one small action you can take today that aligns with your values. Make this action a part of your daily routine, gradually adding more actions over time as you become more comfortable with the process.

Embrace Flexibility and Adaptability

Recognize that values and circumstances can evolve over time. What matters most to you now may change, and so might the ways in which you can express these values through your behaviors. Embrace flexibility and be willing to adapt your goals and actions as needed.

  • Strategy for Enhancement: Periodically review your values and goals to ensure they still resonate with you. Be open to adjusting your actions and strategies to reflect any changes in your values or life circumstances.


The gap between our values and behaviors can significantly impact our mental health, leading to symptoms of depression, anxiety, and ADHD. By understanding this disconnect and taking active steps to align our actions with our values, we can enhance our mental wellness. Remember, this is a personal journey that requires time, patience, and sometimes professional guidance. But the rewards of living a life that is true to your values are immeasurable, offering a profound sense of fulfillment and peace.

Ryan Sheridan, NP

For those interested in integrative psychiatry in Washington, DC or learning how to bridge the gap between values and behavior, I am here to help. Reach out to me via email or contact me here.


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